Tuesday, April 6, 2010

why women should smile?

Here are the top reasons why men ask tell order women to smile, in no particular order.

  • Many men have difficulty distinguishing women from things like potted hyacinth and framed prints of Monet's "Water Lilies" - inexpensive, disposable, and interchangeable bits of color that can be used to brighten any room. Like the hyacinth, sometimes women are scented! Art,such as the "Water Lilies", decorates a room. The Mona Lisa is art, and she is smiling. Women who aren't smiling just aren't as decorative.

  • Many men are confused by women who do not smile. You see, women are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. They are supposed to smile. Smiles are gender normative on women. Non-smiling women are confusing for men.

  • Many men suffer from fixer-itis. It takes more muscles to frown than to smile! A smile lowers your blood pressure! You will feel better if you smile! We all feel better when we see someone smile! I am just trying to help!

  • Many men have trouble managing their own emotions. By "managing", in this case, we of course mean "suppressing", which is what they have been taught to do with just about any emotion since childhood (except anger and rage, which are manly and appropriate). Smiling women reassure them that everything is a-okay and they can go on about whatever manly business they are conducting in the world.

  • Many men confuse women in the workplace with their mothers. Mom always (or never) smiled at them at home, and so it is of utmost importance that the secretary, or the flight attendant, or the person ringing up their groceries, or lecturing at them from the front of the classroom, beam beatifically at them as a veritable Madonna. In this way, even though they were forced to separate from mom and not be such a baby and grow a pair and be a man and not cry like a girl and man up and not be gay and like football and be a hardass, they can still feel mother love in every woman's smile, no matter who the hell she is.

  • Most of all, many men like to feel in control. There is often no simpler and quicker way to feel in control of things in a world where nearly everything that matters is completely out of your control than to demand that some random stranger rearrange her facial expressions to suit your preference, on the spot. When she smiles at your command, you know that whatever petty humiliations the world may visit upon your head, you could totally fuck that bitch.

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